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Mind Whammy - Dunc

Jedi Council: Behind the Scenes: Part Twenty-One*

Posted by red_queen_303 on 2007.10.29 at 10:35
Current Location: Hell
Current Mood: crappycrappy
 

Jedi Theater 3000

 

THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL

 

1. INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON - COCKPIT

 

Han and Chewbacca are seated in the cockpit of the Falcon.

 

2. EXT. SPACE

 

The Falcon speeds across the screen. Two Star Destroyers

chase the Falcon and fire on her. Several of the laser

blasts connect with the shields.

 

3. INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON - COCKPIT

 

The Falcon rocks as lasers hit their shields.

 

HAN

That's it I'm turning back.

 

Chewie growls at Han in reply.

 

HAN

I know your family's waiting.

 

Chewie growls again.

 

HAN

I know it's an important day.

 

Mace: Talk like a pirate day comes but once a year.

 

Chewie growls again at Han.

 

HAN

All right. We'll give it a try. I'll set

short coordinates - we won't jump far.

 

Han flips some switches on a control panel.

 

HAN

I'll get you back there in time, pal.

Trust me.

 

Chewie growls and leans over and pits his arm around Han

very affectionately.

 

4. EXT. SPACE

 

A Star Destroyer is firing on the falcon.

 

5. INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON - COCKPIT

 

HAN

Our only hope now, is to outrun that

Imperial garbage scow, tho'. I'm going

to lightspeed.

 

Chewie growls yet again. Han smiles.

 

HAN

That's the spirit! You'll be celebrating

Life Day before you know it!

 

Depa: Either that or both of us will be celebrating Death Day.

 

HAN

Standby, here's where we say goodbye

to our unpleasant friends.

 

The Falcon makes the jump to hyperspace.

 

6. EXT. SPACE - STARFIELD

 

A graphic is displayed over the starfield left from the

Falcon jumping to lightspeed. It says: THE STAR WARS

HOLIDAY SPECIAL

 

ANNOUNCER

The Star Wars Holiday Special.

 

Adi: Brought to you by Kelloggs.

 

ANNOUNCER

Starring Mark Hamill as

 

Plo: A 1970s Ken doll.

 

ANNOUNCER

Luke Skywalker.

 

A clip is shown of Luke in his flight uniform.

 

ANNOUNCER

Harrison Ford as Han Solo.

 

A clip is shown of Han in the cockpit of the Falcon.

 

ANNOUNCER

Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia.

 

Mace: Duuh.

Shaak: Stoned out of her head.

 

A clip is shown of Leia in her white dress from Star Wars.

 

ANNOUNCER

with, Anthony Daniels as C-3PO.

 

A clip is shown of C-3PO.

 

ANNOUNCER

Peter Mayhew as Chewbacca.

 

A clip is shown of Chewie.

 

ANNOUNCER

R2-D2 as R2-D2.

 

A clip is shown of Artoo rolling around.

 

ANNOUNCER

And, James Earl Jones as the voice of

Darth Vader.

 

Eeth: Oh my God! Darth Vader is in this?

 

A clip is shown of Vader walking down a corridor of the

Death Star with an Imperial Officer.

 

ANNOUNCER

Introducing Chewbacca's family,

 

A clip is shown of Chewie's family altogether.

 

All: AAAHHHH!

 

ANNOUNCER

His wife, Malla.

 

A clip is shown of Malla who is around Chewbacca's height

and slightly heavier.

 

ANNOUNCER

His father, Itchy.

 

Mace: You know they have medications for that.

 

A clip is shown of Itchy who is shorter than Chewie. He

has gray and white hair and a very bad under bite.

 

ANNOUNCER

His son, Lumpy.

 

A clip is shown of Lumpy who is a small wookiee child.

 

ANNOUNCER

With special guest stars, Beatrice

Arthur.

 

Plo: Maude!

 

A clip of her is shown.

 

ANNOUNCER

Art Carney.

 

A clip of him is shown.

 

ANNOUNCER

Diahann Carroll.

 

Shaak: Oh shiny!

 

A clip of her singing is shown.

 

ANNOUNCER

The Jefferson Starship.

 

A clip of the band performing is shown.

 

ANNOUNCER

Harvey Korman.

 

Different clips of him is shown in the roles he plays.

 

ANNOUNCER

And an animated Star Wars story

 

Plo: By Matt Groening.

 

ANNOUNCER

on...

 

A clip is shown from the cartoon of Boba Fett on some

creature.

 

ANNOUNCER

The Star Wars Holiday Special.

 

The original graphic of THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL,

is brought back up.

 

7. EXT. WOOKIEE HOME - DAY

 

Outside shot of Chewbacca's family's home. It is a high

in the trees and looks like a cartoonish painting.

 

Yaddle: Meanwhile, at George of the Jungle's summer home…

 

8. INT. WOOKIEE HOME - MAIN LIVING AREA

 

Malla is busy in the kitchen cleaning or cooking. Itchy is

sitting in a chair carving X-wings out of wood.

 

All: AAAHHHHH!

 

Lumpy comes down the steps "flying" one of the X-wings that

his grandfather has carved. He then proceeds to "fly" the

X-wing around Itchy's head. Lumpy makes spaceship noises.

 

Mace: Someone's running a body through a woodchipper.

 

Itchy growls at Lumpy in anger.

 

Plo: I seriously just peed my pants!

 

Lumpy makes more noises.

 

Ki-Adi-Mundi: Sounds like ET screaming because he got his finger caught in a paper shredder.

 

Malla motions for Lumpy to come over to her.

 

Adi: Time for your flea bath kid!

 

Malla makes a reluctant Lumpy leave his Grandfather

alone and to take out the garbage. On his way over to the

garbage can, Lumpy sees some cookies on the table and

picks one up.

 

Depa: Wookiee Cookies!

 

Malla sees this and makes him put it back.

She then hands him the garbage can he is to take out.

 

Eeth: Take this bucket of sauerkraut to your room!

 

Lumpy heads to take out the garbage and Malla goes back

into the kitchen.

 

9. EXT. WOOKIEE HOUSE - PORCH - DAY

 

Lumpy exits the door and sets the can next to it. He

looks through the railing to the cartoonish ground far

below. He then looks back into the house to see if anyone

is watching. Apparently, the coast is clear, so, he

climbs up on the railing.

 

Mace: Yes! Do it! Jump! Jump!

 

Lumpy walks along it like a tightrope walker.

 

Depa: We're supposed to want him to fall, right?

 

10. INT. WOOKIEE HOME - MAIN LIVING AREA

 

Malla walks over to Itchy and pats him on the shoulder.

 

Shaak: Do you realize that this movie has been on for almost seven minutes and there hasn't been a single word of Basic?

 

She then walks over to some shelves and gets a picture

frame down with a picture of Chewbacca in it.

 

Mace: I didn't know Wookiees used Polaroid cameras.

Adi: These are the most domesticated Wookiees I have ever seen. That one it wearing an apron for crying out loud!

 

Itchy walks over to her. They exchange some grunts and growls. Malla

goes back to the kitchen. Itchy gets a cartridge from a

shelf and looks around for Lumpy. Lumpy runs up to him.

They head over to a hologram table similar to the chess

board on the Falcon. Itchy puts the cartridge in and a

strange circus of holographic aliens in fluorescent colored costumes appear.

 

Plo: Please tell me this isn't happening!

Mace: This isn't happening.

Plo: Thank you.

 

A man in a green feathered outfit appears and spins around.

 

Eeth: Oh of all times for a gay pride parade!

 

More feathered people come out in bright outfits.

 

Depa: This is what happens when Big Bird's relatives inbreed.

 

 

Two feathered people come cartwheeling out together.

 

Adi: No one was impregnated during the making of this film.

 

The green feathered man becomes life-sized.

 

Oppo: I am in physical pain right now.

 

Lumpy watches (with a scary look on his face) as two of the feathered people juggle.

 

Shaak: Look at that expression on his face!

Plo: Wookiee hungry!

 

The circus does on.

 

Mace: For the love of GOD make it stop!

 

The music goes "du du du dat!" The little circus people sort of bow.

Once again, the music goes "du du du dat!" and the little circus people

sort of bow.

 

Eeth: They just did the same thing two times in a row! Now the stupid thing is malfunctioning!

 

Lumpy is very amused by this and claps at the end of the show.

 

Mace: That was supposed to make us sad, right?

Adi: No, it was supposed to make us crap our pants.

Plo: And it worked.

 

Malla makes Lumpy come over and dry the dishes when its

over. Lumpy whines.

 

Depa: He is such a brat! Spank him! Spank his butt bald!

 

Malla goes over to a computer console and pushes some

buttons on it.

 

Mace: Apparently MI-6 has a branch on Kashyyyk now.

 

Nonsense letter and number combinations

come up and then the message: YOU HAVE REACHED TRAFFIC

CONTROL is displayed.

 

Yaddle: Traffic Control on channel 96 with officer Paul.

Shaak: In Soviet Russia, traffic control has reached you!

 

XOXOXO appears on the screen.

 

Yoda: Hugs and kisses from traffic control!



 
*This is only the first little bit of the movie. More coming soon. The Star Wars Holiday Special is just too scary to watch in more then five minute increments.

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