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Mind Whammy - Dunc

Jedi Council: Behind the Scenes: Part Twenty

Posted by red_queen_303 on 2007.10.14 at 21:59
Current Location: Dorm, Lexington
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished

Meanwhile down in the forest of the magical dawn. The deer frolicked as Gary the bunny came out of his hole. He looked up at the sky and declared that it was a beautiful morning...

...Oh...Wrong story. Oops.

...Take two

Lights flashed! Music blared! And Gary the bunny was no where in sight! It was time for the finale of JEDI IDOL! Plo Koon frolicked out onstage (side note: word of the day: frolicked) Plo was wearing a tux and just coolin' it.

"Hey, hey, hey, ladies and gentlemen!" Plo shouted. (side note: No more Bill Cosby for Puff)

The audience went nutty and waved their signs saying "Obi-Wan is Number ONE!" and "Shaak Rocks!" and "How about some jumbo shrimp for only thirteen dollars at Red Lobster?" Yes there is a sales representative from Red Lobster here trying to cash in on Jedi Idol's popularity.

"Tonight is judgment night!" Plo said, "Tonight, we will declare the next JEDI IDOL!"

Audience goes insane. That's all they're really good for.

"Will it be Obi-Wan Kenobi or Shaak Ti!" Plo asked.

The audience screamed in response. It was kind of like Plo had asked "Do you want Shaak to win or do you want Obi-Wan to win?" and the audience answered, "Yes."

"First let's meet the judges." Plo suggested, "We've got Mace Windu!"

"Yo, yo! I love how cool was used as a verb a few paragraphs ago!" Mace said.

Mace? How can you comment on the narration?

"And next is Depa!" Plo introduced.

"Hey Plo. Hey audience. Hey world." Depa said.

"And last and least, Yoda!" Plo cheered.

"Hate this I do. But do anything for money I will." Yoda announced.

"Anything?" Depa asked and pulled out her wallet, "Here's five dollars. Shoot yourself."

"As much as I would like to, my contract with this show doesn't run out until after tonight. If I were to die right now the show's producers would sue me." Yoda explained.

Crickets chirped. Somewhere in the distance Gary the bunny seeks shelter beneath a rock as a rainstorm moves across the prairie...

"Okay! Time to stall! I could just tell you the results but this show has an hour long time slot and by golly we're gonna use it!" Plo announced, "So. First things first. Mace, who do you think will win tonight?"

"You know, I'm not sure right now. Maybe Obi-Wan. Maybe Shaak. I don't really know." Mace said.

"Wow. Decisive tonight, aren't we?" Plo rolled his eyes, "Depa, what about you?"

"What about me?" Depa asked.

"Who do you think will win tonight?" Plo asked.

"Obi-Wan, of course. I sent five hundred votes for him last night!" Depa said.

"You're not allowed to vote." Plo said.

"Shut up." Depa muttered.

"Okay. Mental note. Enforce the rule that people associated with the show can't vote." Plo said, "Yoda who do you think will win tonight?"

"Me. As soon as this show is over, I am free." Yoda replied.

"Free from what?" Plo asked.

"Bad singing." Yoda said.

The audience exploded!

"ANNOUNCE THE RESULTS ALREADY!!!" They all demanded.

"I can't." Plo said, "We've already been through this. I know what will take up time! A commercial break!"

Gary the bunny. In theaters tomorrow.

Next commercial...

Dr. Luap Inojo of Hoth is doing a study on gravy related depression. If you or someone you know suffers from severe depression simply because they cannot make gravy, then call 1-555-6282 to participate in the study. Call now you failures!

Next hopefully more friendly commercial...

"If you thought getting your wife jewelry for Valentine's day would take her breath away..." An announcer started, "you were wrong. Get her what she really wants...something she will actually use...a smart investment...buy her a cemetery plot."

That commercial has just been pulled off the air. It is sick.

Watch Behind the Scenes of Cooking with Legolas tonight at 2:30 am, 3:90 am, 12:09 pm, 4:17 pm, or 3:48 pm. Watch it or pay the consequences!

Back to the show.

"Gee. That was the most disturbing commercial break ever." Plo said, "Would anyone really get their wife a funeral plot for Valentine's day?"

The audience was silent. Because they exploded, remember?

"Okay, well, I can't think of anything else to do. How about I announce the results?" Plo asked.

The audience came back to life and cheered!

"Haha! Psyche!" Plo said, "We've got 45 minutes to kill! So. Yoda. Boxers or briefs?"

The audience died again. Fortunately most of the husbands in the audience had already bought cemetery plots for their wives so at least some members of the audience had a place to go to.

"Hmm. Tricky question that is." Yoda thought for a minute.

"Why is that so tricky?" Depa asked.

"Because wear underwear I do not." Yoda said.

Depa died. She just died. If she had a husband to buy her a cemetery plot, she'd be pushing up the daisies. Depa has ceased to be. She has gone to meet her maker. This is an ex-Depa!

...Watch Monty Python's Flying Circus tonight at 9:00 pm on channel 97.

Wow, another unannounced commercial break.

Plo sighed and looked at his watch, "We still have 43 minutes to kill..."

... "OH SCREW IT!" Plo yelled, "Surely the network can fill up this empty time with a special showing of Cooking with Legolas or something! Okay! Time to announce the winner!"

The audience eyed Plo nervously. This could be a trick.

"The new Jedi Idol is..." Plo opened the envelope, "QUI-GON JINN!"

The audience applauded??? They stopped. What did Plo say?

"Oh sorry! This envelope got mixed up with the one for Worst Contestant ever." Plo said, "Okay. Take two. The new Jedi Idol is..."

Long pause.

"Get on with it man!" Mace yelled, "I've got to go host the video game awards!"

"OBI-WAN KENOBI!" Plo shouted.

The audience exploded again!

Obi-Wan ran out onstage, tears of JOY in his beautiful blue-gray-green eyes. Oh, I love those eyes.

"Thank you all so much! This is the greatest thing that could ever happen to me!" Obi-Wan said.

Obi-Wan's tears brought Depa back to life.

"Obi-Wan won? OMG!" Depa screamed.

She climbed over the judges' table, ran onstage, and planned a kiss right on Obi-Wan's lips.

"Oh man." Mace muttered.

"Free at last! Free at last!" Yoda jumped out of his chair and ran out of the studio.

Confetti fell from the sky. Some members of the audience stared up at it with their mouths open like dumb turkeys and choked on it. And DIED! So now do you see the benefits of buying a cemetery plot?

"Obi-Wan, why don't you sing something while the network tries to decide what to do with all the extra time?" Plo suggested.

Obi-Wan pushed Depa off of him.

"Um. Okay. I really wasn't prepared to sing anything so...um...Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb..." Obi-Wan sang.

...And the network found something to play for the next 38 minutes!

Gary the bunny was frolicking through the magical forest when a fairy appeared and said...

Tune in next time for Part 14: Jedi Theater 3000!

The End! 

Tune in next week for:
Part Twenty-One:
Jedi Theater 3000

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