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Dead Body - wicked_visions

Jedi Council: Behind the Scenes: Part Nineteen

Posted by red_queen_303 on 2007.10.14 at 21:57
Current Location: Dorm
Current Mood: okayokay

Plo stood on the stage wearing a tux. Tonight was a big night! The final round of Jedi Idol! Plo looked more rabid than ever before.

“Good evening everyone.” Plo greeted, “Tonight our final two contestants will go head to head. Or since Shaak is here, head to horns. And to make this show more exciting all of our finalists have returned for a special performance! Here they are everyone your 2006 Jedi Idol finalists! Performing the Jedi Drinking Song!”

The curtains opened and there stood all of the finalists. Shaak, Obi-Wan, Eeth, Yareal, Saesee, Adi, Evien, Oppo, and Yaddle.

The group started singing, “I had one pint of beer, and one shot of scotch! One bottle of wine, and bourbon on the rocks! I had one lassie on me right, another on the left, I looked that puppet in the eye and said give me the test!”

Next, Eeth had a solo, “A long time ago, in a pub far away, I sat on a barstool, just a-drinking away. I couldn't hold it down, I guess I had too much, I felt a tremor in the force and then I lost my lunch!”

Then it was Yareal’s turn, “I woke up in a desert land, feeling hot and sick, I saw a bearded man, he looked like some kind of hick, He slowly waved his hand, and my pain was gone. He said let's go see Yoda, and I'll teach you this song!”

The entire group sang the chorus once more, “I had one pint of beer, and one shot of scotch! One bottle of wine, and bourbon on the rocks! I had one lassie on me right, another on the left. I looked that puppet in the eye and said give me the test!”

Next up was Adi, “So we got a starship, and weflew off into space. He said his name was Obi-Wan; there was no time to waste! I have to get you trained before it is too late. He said drink this bottle of whisky, and don't give in to hate.”

Oppo’s solo, “Training went on, and I'd drank most of the bar We stopped for supplies on the nearest Death Star!”

Evien’s solo, “I learned to control my fear, and hold my alcohol. Soon I was able to stand when Obi-Wan would fall!”

Chorus time once again, “I had one pint of beer, and one shot of scotch. One bottle of wine, and bourbon on the rocks! I had one lassie on me right, another on the left, I looked that puppet in the eye and said give me the test!”

Yaddle’s turn, “I sat down beside him and looked him in the eye. He looked right back at me, said you judge me by my size!”

Obi-Wan’s solo (in third person), “Obi-Wan said careful, for Yoda is the best. I said ok shorty, bring on the test!”

It was then Saesee’s turn, “Well I could tell you how it ended, I could tell you some lies Let's just say, on that night the force was on his side!”

Shaak’s solo, “I got all riled up, and they threw me in jail! I said I don't believe it, Yoda said that's why I failed!”

Sick of the chorus yet? “I had one pint of beer, and one shot of scotch. One bottle of wine, and bourbon on the rocks! I had one lassie on me right, another on the left, I looked that puppet in the eye and said give me the test!”

Final chorus!

“Everyone sing!” Obi-Wan shouted.

The finalists and the audience all sang, “I had one pint of beer, and one shot of scotch, I had one bottle of wine, and bourbon on the rocks! I had one lassie on me right, another on the left, I looked that puppet in the eye and said bring on that test!”

The audience applauded like they have never applauded before! I don’t know how that is possible but they did.

“Man that was SO GREAT!” Plo said as he ran out onstage, “I want to go get drunk right now!”

“Me too.” Yoda groaned, “Stupid song.”

“Anyway, it’s time for a commercial and then Shaak is up!” Plo announced.

 

“Next up on E! The Entertainment Channel, Hollywood celebrities who look like Russian historical figures!” An announcer said, “98 of people agree that Keanu Reeves looks like Leon Trotsky! What do you think! Tune in tonight!”

“On the next brand new episode of Revenge Of The Clam People, Otis Otter decides to give up clam hunting and become a neurosurgeon, but can Susie Sea Lion change his mind? Or is the entire ocean doomed to be ruled by Darth Clammelton and his evil Clamtroopers?” Another announcer asked, “Tune in tomorrow night at 7:30 to find out!”

 

“Okay.” Plo said, “Remind me to set my TiVo to catch Revenge Of The Clam People tomorrow. Anyway, here she is, everyone’s favorite red woman, Shaak Ti!”

Shaak walked out onstage wearing a flashy red dress, “I met him in a swamp down in Dagoba Where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda! S-O-D-A, soda!”

Yoda smacked himself in the forehead.

Shaak walked over to Yoda and sang to him, “I saw the little runt sitting there on a log. I asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said "Yoda" Y-O-D-A, Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda!

Mace and Depa started dancing around like idiots.

Shaak took center stage and continued, “Well, I've been around, but I ain't never seen, A guy who looks like a muppet, but he's wrinkled and green! Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda! Well, I'm not dumb...”

“That’s up for debate!” Yoda snapped.

Shaak continued, unaffected, “but I can't understand How he can lift me in the air just by raising his hand! Oh, my Yoda! Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda! Well, I left home just a week before And I've never ever been a Jedi before But Obi Wan, he set me straight, of course He said, "Go to Yoda and he'll show you the Force"!”

Shaak jumped the stage and walked around, slapping high fives with people in the front rows of the audience, “Well I'm not the kind that would argue with Ben! So it looks like I'm gonna start all over again With my Yoda! Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda! Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda! So I used the Force! I picked up a box! I lifted some rocks! While I stood on my head! Well, I won't forget what Yoda said!”

“Oh and what did I say?” Yoda muttered.

Shaak climbed back onstage and continued, “He said, "Shaak, stay away from the darker side! And if you start to go astray, let the Force be your guide"! Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda! "I know Darth Vader's really got you annoyed But remember, if you kill him, then you'll be unemployed"! Oh, my Yoda! Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda! Well, I heard my friends really got in a mess! So I'm gonna have to leave Yoda, I guess! But I know that I'll be coming back some day! I'll be playing this part 'till I'm old and gray.”

“What part? Mace wondered, “This ain’t no movie.”

Shaak went on, “The long-term contract that I had to sign Says I'll be making these movies till the end of time With my Yoda! Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda! Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda! Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda! Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda! Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda! Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda! Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda!”

Plo ran out onstage. The audience went insane with applause. Even Yoda couldn’t resist clapping a little.

“Let’s see what the judges thought of your final performance.” Plo suggested.

“Wow! That was an amazing final performance! I think the votes will be close tonight! We got a HOT ONE HERE TONIGHT!” Mace is crazy.

“Shaak that was unbelievable! I loved the song, I love that dress! I love you!” Depa got some strange looks from the audience, Mace, and Yoda, “Like a sister you perverts!”

“Shaak. That was a decent performance.” Yoda said.

A stunned silence filled the stadium.

“What? Liked it I did.” Yoda said.

“Um. Of course you did.” Plo broke the silence, “Anyway! Commercial time and then Obi-Wan!”

 

“Visit Toasty’s Toaster Shop today for the best deals on toasters in the entire galaxy! One slotted, two slotted, four slotted, and eight slotted toasters are all on sale now! So come on down and let’s get toasting!” An announcer said.

“Food is good.” A message from the food producers of the galaxy.

 

“Wow that was short.” Plo said, “Oh well, here he is! Obi-Wan!”

Obi-Wan stood in the middle of the stage, dressed in his finest robe, “A long, long time ago In a galaxy far away, Naboo was under an attack. And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn Could talk the federation into Maybe cutting them a little slack. But their response, it didn't thrill us! They locked the doors and tried to kill us! We escaped from that gas Then met Jar Jar and Boss Nass. We took a bongo from the scene And we went to Theed to see the Queen. We all wound up on Tatooine. That's where we found this boy...”

Obi-Wan shrugged off his dark brown robe (hey he has his clothes on under it, unfortunately), “Oh my my this here Anakin guy! May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry! And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"! "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"!”
“I love how he always has to work some form of stripping into his performances.” Depa said.

Obi-Wan continued, “Did you know this junkyard slave Isn't even old enough to shave? But he can use the Force, they say! Ahh, do you see him hitting on the queen Though he's just nine and she's fourteen! Yah, he's probably gonna marry her someday! Well, I know he built C-3PO! And I've heard how fast his pod can go! And we were broke, it's true So we made a wager or two! WOO! He was a prepubescent flyin' ace! And the minute Jabba started off that race Well, I knew who would win first place! Oh yes, it was our boy!”
Obi-Wan leapt off the stage and touched the hands of fan girls in the audience who were leaning over the guard rails trying to grab him, “We started singin' ...My my this here Anakin guy! May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry! And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"! "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"! Now we finally got to Coruscant The Jedi Council we knew would want To see how good the boy could be! So we took him there and we told the tale How his midi-chlorians were off the scale And he might fulfill that prophecy! Oh, the Council was impressed, of course Could he bring balance to the Force? They interview the kid
Oh, training they forbid! Because Yoda sensed in him much fear And Qui-Gon said "Now listen here Just stick it in your pointy ear I still will teach this boy"!

A picture of Qui-Gon appeared on the screen behind Obi-Wan, “He was singin' ...
My my this here Anakin guy! May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry! And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"! "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"!”

Obi-Wan went back to the middle of the stage, “We caught a ride back to Naboo
'Cause Queen Amidala wanted to. I frankly would've liked to stay. We all fought in that epic war And it wasn't long at all before Little Hotshot flew his plane and saved the day! And in the end some Gunguns died. Some ships blew up and some pilots fried. A lot of folks were croakin'. The battle droids were broken! And the Jedi I admire most Met up with Darth Maul and now he's toast!” The picture of Qui-Gon on the screen fell into a computer generated toaster and burned up, “Well, I'm still here and he's a ghost I guess I'll train this boy. And I was singin' ...My my this here Anakin guy. May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry. And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi". "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"! Everybody!” Obi-Wan motioned for the audience to stand up. Everyone in the audience stood up and took out lighters and joined Obi-Wan on the final chorus, “We were singin' ...My my this here Anakin guy! May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry! And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"!”

And the audience exploded with applause once again. Yep.

Plo ran out on the stage, “Why don’t we see what the judges have to say?”

“I don’t know, why don’t we?” Obi-Wan said.

“Obi-Wan that was the greatest performance of ALL TIME! WE HAVE GOT A HOOOTTT ONE HERE TONIGHT!” Mace said.

“Obi-Wan get off the stage and into my dressing room!” Depa ordered.

The audience laughed.

Yoda rolled his eyes, “I can’t say that I liked how that song portrayed me. I give you a 2 out of 10.”

“Better than a zero out of 10.” Plo said, “Nice job Obi-Wan. Okay everyone tune in...”

“WAIT A MINUTE!” Someone shouted offstage.

Who could it be? Keanu Reeves here to object to the fact that we compared him to a Russian political figure? No. It was Qui-Gon!

“That was horrible! How dare those animators make a picture of me go into a toaster and burn up! Absurd! Obi-Wan you are in BIG trouble!” Qui-Gon said.

“What are you doing out of the hospital?” Plo asked.

“I felt I was needed here.” Qui-Gon said.

“Well you ain’t so get out of here before I call security.” Mace warned, “Scruples brain.”

“Go ahead. Call security. I don’t care.” Qui-Gon folded his arms.

Two huge Wookiees appeared behind him. They were both wearing badges that said “Security” on them. They grabbed Qui-Gon and hurled him out a window.

“Okay.” Plo said, “Anyway be sure to vote for your favorite! Then tune in next week and we will find out who is the next JEDI IDOL! This is Koon out!”

 

The End


So, obviously both Shaak’s and Obi’s songs are from Weird Al. The Jedi Drinking Song (yes, it is a real song!) is by the Brobdingnagian Bards. If you ever get a chance to hear any of their music, I suggest you do so, as they are uber-fabulous. 



Tune in next week for:
Part Twenty:
Jedi Idol: Finale

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