Jedi Council: Behind the Scenes: Part EighteenPosted by red_queen_303 on 2007.10.14 at 21:45
Current Location: Dorm
Current Mood: thoughtful
“Is your cholesterol higher than that of a Hutt? Are you constantly having heart attacks and being rushed to the emergency room? Do you eat at McDonalds more than seven times a day? Then you need Cificap. Cificap is proven to lower cholesterol by up to 1035 points. That’s amazing!” An announcer cheered, “Cificap is only recommended for people with ridiculously high cholesterol so don’t take it if you only want to lower your cholesterol by just a few points. It is so powerful that it will eat away at your arteries! Cificap is not for everyone including women who are nursing, pregnant, may become pregnant, Wookiees over eight feet tall, midgets with blond hair, chickens, Rodians with severe body odor, skanky Twileks, (Then again that probably fits under the category of women who may become pregnant), people who drive green speeders, or bald Banthas over fifty. Ask your doctor today if Cificap is right for you.”
The audience was now asleep and Plo was wearing a Cificap t-shirt.
“Hey, the more I advertise Cificap, the more free stuff I get!” Plo said.
“Will you get on with the elimination!” Yoda shouted.
“I suppose...” Plo said, “Okay, let’s meet our three finalists, Shaak Ti, Eeth Koth, and Obi-Wan Kenobi!”
The audience instantly woke up and applauded until their hands caught on fire.
“Okay! Let’s start!” Plo said, “Last night was movie night, Shaak, you sang Bang Bang from Kill Bill. The judges were really moved by your performance, except for Yoda, he was moved to kill himself. Pity he didn’t. Eeth, you sang Hakuna Matata from The Lion King. Mace thought you might be schizophrenic because you kept talking to yourself, Depa loved it but she still loves Obi-Wan more and Yoda was speechless!”
“What? Speechless I was not!” Yoda objected, “I didn’t want to waste my breath commenting on that piece of crap.”
Plo looked at Yoda, menacingly, “Do you want me to go to another commercial break?” He threatened.
“No!” Yoda shouted, “I want to get this over with!”
“Then I suggest you shut your little green stew-hole!” Plo said, “And Obi-Wan! You sang Walk the Line from, uh, Walk the Line. And the judges with the exception of a little green one absolutely loved it. Who will be moving on? WHO WHO! WHOOO! Hey! Owls say who! Let’s go to commercials!”
“Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll(TM) center of a Tootsie Pop™?” A poorly drawn, naked, animated boy asked.
“Let’s find out.” The owl took the Tootsie Pop™, “One, tw-WHO, three.” The owl crunched into the Tootsie Pop™ and handed the stick back to the naked kid, “Three.”
An announcer than asked, “How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop™? The world may never know?”
...On a side note it takes approximately 142 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop™.
“Wasn’t that a fascinating blast from the past?” Plo asked.
The audience took a deep breath and shouted, “NO!”
“Okay! The moment we’ve all been waiting for!” Plo said.
“Another commercial break?” Depa groaned.
“No silly! I will read the results from most votes to fewest votes. The person with the fewest votes can kiss their dreams good-bye!” Plo informed.
“That’s harsh, man.” Mace said.
“I don’t care.” Plo said, “The person with the most votes is...Obi-Wan Kenobi!”
The audience said, “Like we didn’t see that coming!”
“You people are all in sync. Have you been practicing these little remarks?” Plo asked.
“Maybe we have you commercial obsessed freak.” The audience retorted.
“That’s just creepy.” Plo muttered, “Anyway! The person with the second highest number of votes is...Shaak Ti! Meaning Eeth Koth will be leaving us tonight.”
The audience cheered for Shaak then cried for Eeth. Then cried some more because they knew they would have to wait until next week to find out who the next Jedi Idol was. Life sucks.
“Obi-Wan and Shaak will be competing for your votes next week! Be sure to vote for your favorite!” Plo said, “See you next week! This is Koon out!”
Tune in next week for:
Jedi Idol: Round Four