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Mind Whammy - Dunc

Jedi Council: Behind the Scenes: Part Seventeen

Posted by red_queen_303 on 2007.10.14 at 21:40
Current Location: Dorm
Current Mood: happyhappy

Plo stood on the familiar stage of Jedi Idol. He looked extremely happy and extremely doped up on caffeine. He looked at the audience and grinned.

“HI!” He shouted, “Welcome to Jedi Idol! Tonight is movie night! Each of the three remaining contestants will have to sing a song from a movie! My favorite movie is Honey I Shrunk The Kids!”

“Will you get on with it man?” Mace asked.

“Oh sure. But first, a commercial break!” Plo announced.

“Growing tired of the same flavors in your cooking?” An announcer on the commercial asked, “Then you should try the new line of meats from Bittersweet Alpaca! Alpaca meat is so tender and juicy and it tastes better than you can possibly imagine! Try all four flavors, Spicy Cajun Alpaca, Kentucky Fried Alpaca, Sweet and Sour Alpaca, and of course classic Bittersweet Alpaca! Try them all today! Not tomorrow but today!”

Also be sure to tune in tonight at eleven for the E! True Hollywood Story of Pee-Wee’s Playhouse. Featuring exclusive interviews with Globey, Chairy, and the psychotic food that lives in Pee-Wee’s refrigerator. Also learn about how the salesman developed severe depression after having Pee-Wee slam the door in his face so many times.

...Okay Whatever. Back to the show!

“Did you enjoy those commercials?” Plo asked.

“NOO!” The audience shouted.

“Then perhaps you’d like these better!” Plo said.

Back to commercials!

“Does your houseplant have self-esteem issues?” An announcer asked.

“I was just kidding!” Plo cheered, “It’s time for our first contestant, Obi-Wan Kenobi!”

The audience went insane! Obi-Wan Forever! WOOT!

“We interviewed our contestants before the show about why they chose the songs they chose.” Plo said, “Let’s see what Obi-Wan had to say!”

Obi-Wan appeared on the large screen, “I chose Walk The Line by Johnny Cash. I can’t remember what movie it’s from though...something with Joaquin Phoenix maybe? I don’t remember the title. It was like a biography of Johnny Cash. What was the title? Oh well. I’m singing Walk The Line.”

Obi-Wan walked out onstage dressed all in black. Oh, sexy.

“I keep a close watch on this heart of mine. I keep my eyes wide open all the time. I keep the ends out for the tie that binds. Because you're mine, I walk the line. I find it very, very easy to be true. I find myself alone when each day is through. Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you. Because you're mine, I walk the line. As sure as night is dark and day is light. I keep you on my mind both day and night. And happiness I've known proves that it's right. Because you're mine, I walk the line. You've got a way to keep me on your side.” Obi-Wan walked to the edge of the stage and held out his hand so all of the fangirls could grab it and try to yank him off the stage. They didn’t succeed though. Darn security guards, “You give me cause for love that I can't hide. For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide. Because you're mine, I walk the line. I keep a close watch on this heart of mine. I keep my eyes wide open all the time. I keep the ends out for the tie that binds. Because you're mine, I walk the line!” That’s right! Tonight everyone gets to sing the entire song! Not just a chorus.

The audience applauded so hard that they exploded and pieces of them blew everywhere!

“Man! That was such a great way to kick off the show! Obi-Wan you are a true performer.” Mace said, “We got a hot one here tonight!”

Depa rolled her eyes, “Mace you need some new catch phrases. Obi-Wan you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. And you look so good in black. If you don’t win this competition I think I will banish myself to the outskirts of Tatooine and become a hermit!”

“Why am I surrounded by people with issues?” Yoda asked, “Obi-Wan that sucked. Terrible it was. Out of tune it was. Stink you do.”

“Man!” Mace shouted, “You need to get those little green sausages on the side of your head checked out! As big as your ears are you can’t hear nuthin’!”

“Shut up baldy.” Yoda muttered.

Plo hurried over to Obi-Wan, “That was a great performance Obi-Wan. By the way, that movie you were talking about was called Walk The Line.”

“No that was the title of the song.” Obi-Wan corrected.

“Yeah. But it’s the title of the movie too.” Plo explained.

“Whatever.” Obi-Wan shrugged.

“Okay! By the way, I forgot to mention that after the show we will show you the address of the hospital Qui-Gon is staying at in case any of you want to send him a get well card.” Plo said.

“Don’t hold your breath.” Obi-Wan mumbled.

“Our next contestant is Eeth Koth!” Plo announced.

“I chose the song Hakuna Matata from my favorite movie in the whole world, The Lion King. It’s such an upbeat and happy song. I just love it. I love it so much I could marry it!” Eeth’s interview said.

Eeth skipped out onstage. And I do mean skipped, “Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase! Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze! It means no worries! For the rest of your days! It's our problem-free philosophy! Hakuna Matata! When he was a young warthog!” Eeth changed voices, “When I was a young warthog!” Eeth switched back to his first voice, “He found his aroma lacked a certain appeal. He could clear the savannah after ev'ry meal.” He changed back to the second voice, “I'm a sensitive soul though I seem thick-skinned. And it hurt that my friends never stood downwind! And, oh, the shame! Thought-a changin' my name! And I got downhearted! Ev'rytime that I...” First voice again, “Hey, not in front of the Kids!” Second voice, “Oh, sorry.” Regular voice, “Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase! Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze! It means no worries! For the rest of your days! It's our problem-free philosophy! Hakuna Matata! Hakuna...it means no worries! For the rest of your days

It's our problem-free philosophy! Hakuna Matata!”

The audience applauded, but not as much as they did for Obi-Wan. They didn’t explode. Smoke just started coming out of their ears.

“Okay. Eeth that was alright.” Mace said, “I think you might have a case of scizophernia but it was okay.”

“I thought it was very upbeat. I loved it. But I still want to marry Obi-Wan.” Depa added.

“I don’t feel the need to comment on that performance.” Yoda muttered.

Plo hurried out onstage, “Alright. That was Eeth Koth. An last but not least the luscious Shaak Ti!”

Shaak appeared on the screen, “I am singing Bang Bang from the movie Kill Bill because it is a great song. Kill Bill is my favorite movie because it has so much violence. It always gives me a boost of girl power! Uma Thurman is my hero!”

Shaak walked out onstage wearing a bridal gown with red food coloring all over it to look like blood, “I was five and he was six, We rode on horses made of sticks. He wore black and I wore white. He would always win the fight. Bang bang, he shot me down. Bang bang, I hit the ground. Bang bang, that awful sound. Bang bang, my baby shot me down. Seasons came and changed the time. When I grew up, I called him mine. He would always laugh and say "Remember when we used to play?" Bang bang, I shot you down. Bang bang, you hit the ground. Bang bang, that awful sound. Bang bang, I used to shoot you down. Music played, and people sang. Just for me, the church bells rang. Now he's gone, I don't know why. And till this day, sometimes I cry. He didn't even say goodbye, He didn't take the time to lie. Bang bang, he shot me down. Bang bang, I hit the ground. Bang bang, that awful sound. Bang bang, my baby shot me down.” Shaak fell to floor and pretended to be dead.

Plo ran out onstage and nudged her with his foot. She didn’t move. Plo shrugged. The audience went insane with applause! Yippee!

Plo said, “Okay. Since it seems Shaak isn’t going to wake up anytime soon why don’t we...”

“Maybe it’s like Sleeping Beauty. Maybe you gotta kiss her!” Depa suggested.

“No. I don’t think so.” Plo said.

“Come on!” Depa urged.

Soon Depa engaged the whole audience in a riveting chant of, “Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!”

Plo rolled his eyes and kissed Shaak every so gently on the cheek.

“That’s not a kiss! You gotta smooch her on the lips! Like this!” Depa grabbed Mace and kissed him dead on the lips.

Plo sighed and leaned down and kissed Shaak on the lips. Instantly Shaak woke up. She jumped up.

“Okay. What do the judges have to say about me?” She wanted to know.

Mace, who now had Depa’s lipstick all over his face, said, “That performance broke my heart. It was so touching and heart felt. Did a man really shoot you?”

“No it’s just a song.” Shaak explained, not feeling that it was important to say that Plo on accidentally shot her in the foot a few years ago.

“Great performance. I have tears in my eyes and I suddenly have the urge to kill everyone in the galaxy named Bill!” Depa said.

“That ain’t all you got the urge to do.” Mace mumbled as he wiped the lipstick off his face.

“I hated that performance so much.” Yoda said, “Now I want to shoot myself down!”

“GOOD!” The audience yelled.

“Anyway. Thanks for joining us here tonight! Tomorrow we will find out who our top two contestants are! Will it be Eeth and Shaak? Shaak and Obi-Wan? Obi-Wan and Eeth? Will Qui-Gon spontaneously show up as a wild card contestant? Who knows! I’ll see you there tomorrow! This is Kuun out!” Plo said.

Don’t forget to vote! By the way, Qui-Gon is staying at The Coruscant Jewish Memorial Samaritan Saint Windu Flying Turkey Medical Center which is located at 1098472 Jedi Avenue on Coruscant. He’s in room 1134. Just in case any of his fans want to send him something...yeah right.

Tune in next week for:
Part Eighteen:
Jedi Idol: Elimination Round Three

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