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Dead Body - wicked_visions

Jedi Council: Behind the Scenes: Part Sixteen

Posted by red_queen_303 on 2007.10.14 at 21:37
Current Location: Dorm
Current Mood: peacefulpeaceful

Plo Koon stood on the stage looking extremely hyper. He looked like that little squirrel in Ice Age that runs around with the acorn. His eyes were bulging and he had a cheesy grin on his face. Wow.

“Good evening everyone! Welcome to the second eliminations of Jedi Idol!” Plo said.

The audience applauded. Big surprise.

“We haven’t a moment to lose! So let’s get started.” Plo paused, “After these commercials!”

The audience booed as did Depa and Mace. Yoda was asleep.

Commercial time!

A man with rock solid abs stood there.

“Hi! I’m Norton Bench! Try the new Ab Lounge if you want to look like me!” Norton shouted.

“Or if you want to keep your gender, you can look like me! Norma Bench!” Norton’s muscular wife, Norma said.

“With the Ab Lounge you can look like either one of us!” Norton said, “The Ab Lounge works for men and women! And Wookiees! And even the occasional Hutt, but results are not typical for them.”

“Order the Ab Lounge today or I will scalp Norton alive!” Norma drew a knife and held it to Norton’s head.

“Call 555-ABLN!” Norton said, “Call today and get a free pair of uber-tight Richard Simmons work out shorts!”

Yep. Back to the show!

“Okay! Let’s meet our remaining contestants!” Plo said, “Eeth Koth, Adi Gallia, Shaak Ti, Yareal Poof, Obi-Wan Kenobi and via satellite from The Coruscant Jewish Memorial Samaritan Saint Windu Flying Turkey Medical Center, Qui-Gon Jinn!”

The audience rolled their eyes. Get on with the eliminations!

“Okay. We’ll start with Eeth Koth!” Plo announced, “Eeth last night you sang Ultimate Showdown Of Ultimate Destiny. And everyone loved it...except for Yoda. What would you do if you moved on tonight?”

“I would jump up and down, tear off my shirt and rip it to shreds like a rabid Nexu!” Eeth told Plo.

The audience applauded. They wanted to see this.

“Well you better start jumping because you are moving onto the next round!” Plo announced.

Eeth jumped up and down and tore off his shirt and ripped it to shreds. Then he tore off his pants and did the same. Then he was about to tear off his Spongebob boxers...

“Go to commercials!” Plo shouted, “This is a family show! No nudity!”

Ugh! More commercials.

“Have you ever wanted to make a green bean casserole and mow your lawn at the same time?” An announcer asked, “Well now you can with the...”

Back to the show now that Eeth is dressed again!

“Okay. Next let’s talk to Adi Gallia. You sang Like A Virgin.” Plo said, “Adi what would you do if you moved on?”

“Not strip.” Adi replied.

“Darn.” Mace muttered.

“I heard that!” Adi snapped, “I would thank every single person in the galaxy who voted for me. And kill all of them who did not.”

“Wow. That’s uh harsh.” Plo said, “Adi would you stand in the center of the stage please.”

Adi did as she was told.

“Now only three people will move on tonight. The top two contestants with the most votes will be told right away that they are safe, like Eeth just was. But the rest of the contestants will stand in a group in the center of the stage. Only one from that group will move on. Understand?”

Cricket chirps came from the audience.

“Good!” Plo cheered, “Anyway now let’s talk to Shaak Ti! Shaak you sang I Will Survive. What are you going to do if you move on to the next round?”

“Reveal my natural hair color.” Shaak answered.

Plo paused, “But you don’t have any...or never mind! Shaak go stand in that group with Adi. Now I’ll move on to Yareal Poof! Poofy you sang You Are My Sunshine.”

“Aren’t you going to ask me what I’m going to do if I move on?” Yareal asked.

“Nope!” Plo replied, “Time for commercials!”

A red skyhopper appeared with lights shining down on it to make it look all shiny and sexy.

An announcer said, “Introducing the new T-9 Skyhopper! With front and rear air condition controls, driver and passenger air bags, and a 645398 Turbo Engine! All for only 1590794 credits! But if you visit your local Skyhopper dealer in the next three days, we’ll knock off 4 credits for you! That’s only 1590790 for this amazing new machine!”

Back to the show. No one likes car commercials!

“Anyway, let’s talk to Obi-Wan Kenobi.” Plo said.

The girls in the audience went crazy. A few of them fainted and had to be carried away by security officers.

“Obi-Wan if you move on to the next round...” Plo was interrupted.

“Would you please strip for us!” Depa yelled.

“Anything for you, Depa.” Obi-Wan winked at Depa.

“Don’t encourage her.” Mace warned.

“Um...anyway. Obi-Wan you made it. Everyone in the galaxy knew that already.” Plo said.

Everyone cheered! I mean everyone! The entire galaxy! Even people in other galaxies that haven’t been discovered yet!

“Now...let’s talk to Qui-Gon.” Plo mumbled.

The audience booed as a TV with Qui-Gon on it was rolled onto the stage.

“Hey Qui-Gon can you hear me now?” Plo said, “Hey that reminds me, we haven’t had a commercial break in almost fifteen seconds! We better have one.”

An announcer on the commercial said, “Is your old toaster getting worn down and not toasting the way it used to...”

Enough!

“Okay Qui-Gon. If you move on, you better not do anything. The doctors said you could have another heart attack if you tried to move around.” Plo announced.

“I don’t plan on moving around. I plan on ending this competition forever!” Qui-Gon said and folded his arms.

“Okay.” Plo muttered, “Anyway, Qui-Gon you’re in the group with Adi, Shaak, and Yareal. And now I will announce the person in this group who will move on to the next round. That person is...”

“Introducing McDonald’s new fried lard cubes! Delicious rejected pork fat rolled in rejected cow fat with a touch of Bantha fat, dipped in butter and fried until it is unrecognizable!” An announcer said, “Come on down and order some today for only 99 cents! You can also get a side salad for just 50 cents more.” The announcer lowered his voice, “Then again why bother trying to eat healthy right after you scarf down an order of fried lard cubes.” The announcer returned to his cheery tone, “Come order some lard cubes from your friendly McDonald’s employees.” The announcer muttered to himself once more, “Stupid clueless teenagers and useless forty year old high school dropouts!” The announcer needs some happy pills! Which are also available at your local McDonalds for only 99 cents!

(We do not mean to offend anyone who works at a McDonalds. If you saw the one where we live...you’d understand.)

“Okay! Shaak Ti you are moving on to the next round!” Plo said.

The audience went insane! Yippee!

“WHAT!” Qui-Gon’s image on the TV shouted, “Why am I not moving on?”

“Qui-Gon you were the only contestant who did not get a single vote.” Plo said, “Apparently no one wanted to vote for scruples.”

“Scruples is bad.” Mace said, “I was talking to my cousin last night and he said his mom’s friend once got a bad case of scruples and...”

“Scruples is NOT a disease! I demand a recount! There is no way that Obi-Wan’s strip tease got more votes than my Barney song! Absolutely no...” Qui-Gon was cut off in mid-sentence, Plo had turned off the TV.

The other two contestants who had been eliminated, Yareal and Adi, graciously hugged Shaak and then walked off the stage to plot her untimely death.

“So here are the top three Jedi Idols! Eeth Koth! Obi-Wan Kenobi! And Shaak Ti!” Plo said.

The audience went crazy once again, as did Depa and Mace. Yoda was still asleep and he had drooled a small puddle on the desk in front of him. Depa smacked him until he woke up.

“Tune in next week because it’s Movie Night! The three remaining contestants must sing a song from a movie!” Plo said, “I’ll see you all next week! This is Koon out!”

THE END

 



Tune in next week for:
Part Seventeen:
Jedi Idol: Round Three

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